Virgin Diary of a New Diva Cup…


I really should be in bed.  It’s 12:38 and I’ve got a busy day tomorrow.  I just finished stitching and snapping 4 Sugar Tais together that should go out tomorrow.  I love my job!

I’m nearing the end of my first day with my Diva Cup and I think my experience hasn’t been typical.  I actually know several women who have the cup.  It wasn’t a new idea to me, I was just too cheap to spend the money on it.  I have already used cloth Glad Rags  for the last year so I wasn’t spending any moolah…  But when I got it on sale for 40% off after wanting to try it for months, I decided it was time to splurge.  I’m pretty proud of myself for sticking it out for the sale.

PAUSE..

Lucas wakes up screaming.  I give him his monkey… not happy. The Momma Skirt?(a skirt or mine he confiscated months ago to sleep with in lieu of a blanky)  Nope. No satisfaction.  hold him for a minute.  Well, happier. Put him back in the crib and walk out.  He starts screaming again.  Not sad crying.  Not hurt feelings.  He’s seriously pissed at my nerve to leave his highness.  Whoops. Now Jake is yelling “Stop screaming Lucas. No! Stop!”  Lucas starts telling Jacob off in unintelligible gibberish. Selah sleeps like a rock tonight.

 I hear Travis sigh from the bedroom, and the creaking as he decided to get up.  I beat him to the bedroom.  We take Lucas out, just to keep the peace for a minute.  I check the diaper. Dry.  I ask him why he’s awake.  What does he do? Squirms like an eel out of my arms and goes barrelling down the hall yelling ” I wanna cookie!”.  Um.. NO.  “I wann a Nanna.”  Before I can respond to that one he’s sprinting for the living room, catapults himself up onto the couch and perches himself in front of my laptop.  Then sweetly looks up at me as if he’s been there forever. “Momma, abamaga majuwah.”(Don’t worry. I didn’t get that one either.)   “Lucas you need to go to sleep.” I say as I sit down next to him.  He smiles and continues to stare at the screen, most likely waiting for scenes of train engines to suddenly appear.  Travis just had to show them all youtubes of steam engines and now that seems to be the main purpose for my laptop. 

At this point I try to trick him.  “Lucas, where’s your Monkey-Unkey?”  He looks at me intently.  For a second I think it’s not going to work.  But wait.  Recognition. He remembers where it is! Suddenly like lightning he vaults from the couch and gallops down the hallway towards his bedroom where the monkey waits. Got him!  Trav swoops him into bed where he takes on a much calmer forlorn wail with intermittent baby profanity.  Then suddenly mid-sentence his head drops and he’s down for the count. 

Sigh… and he’s not two until July…

Now where was I…

Oh yes, the cup.  So I woke up this morning at 6:30 to cramping and yes, my period.  I’ve become a freak. I was totally excited and ran into my studio where I had left the Diva Cup in the box.  I washed it off and headed to the bathroom.  Out came the instructions.  Nice little photos.  Looks simple enough.  Alright.  Fold it up and in it goes.  So getting it in wasn’t a big deal.  We used a diaphragm once, somewhat similar. Well, not really.  Goes in the same place. Have to fold it. Ok, other than that it’s very different. 

So, the first time in I wasn’t sure how high to get it.  I’d heard from others that it sits lower in there than you would expect.  But for me  I felt like I really had to get it up there or it wouldn’t open. Then I had to wiggle and rotate it a bit to get it to open all of the way without a fold.  I finally could tell it was in right when i ran my finger around the bottom rim of the cup and could tell that it was rounded out all of the way evenly.   Now, I had also heard that the stem at the end sometimes sticks out too far and is uncomfortable.  Almost everyone I know had to snip theirs off. I don’t know maybe I have a really deep who-hah.  Mine isn’t hanging at all.

At about 10am I was getting ready to take the kids to the park for a play group.  So I decided to dump before I went.  I’ve heard that sometimes while walking around, women have to do a few keagels to get the cup to ‘stay in place’.  Not for me. That thing was so tight in there I can’t even imagine how it was sagging for others.  So, if you hear that yourself be aware that not all vaginal canals are created equal.  Mine seems pretty narrow.  Like I said, the diva cup seemed to be pretty high up there so finding the stem required a bit of a search.  Got it.  Tugged a bit with no budge.  Pulled at an angle and got a slight shift.  Finally got it angled enough to break the suction and after that it was smooth removin’.  I’m proud to report that the cup successfully captured 1/4 an ounce without a drop of leakage.  I have no idea why they have measurements on the side of the cup.  I don’t see anyone using it as a backup for measuring a does of Nyquil or a shot of Yaeger.  Maybe they just knew that it would be an interesting addition to my little journey here. 

So, that’s the beginning.   I seem to be cramping and tender more than usual.  That may be because my vagina hasn’t had to deal with anything other than recreational marital activities since I started using the Glad Rags.  Or it could be that I would have been better with the smaller size 1 cup after all.  Someone mentioned, and I do remember, that dry sandpaper feeling that you get from using tampons. Haven’t had anything like that at all, thank goodness. 

I dumped the cup 4 times today and it did get easier once I learned to pinch the bottom of the cup to break the suction before tugging. Thanks for that tip, Christine!  It’s a bit weird to see the blood for the first time. It’s darker than you think and it’s slimy because it’s mixed with some of your regular every day fluids that are still doing their thing.  But then I was totally intrigued by it.  Not a big deal after the first few dumps.  I think I had a total of 1 ounce all day.  Gotta use those markings, I guess. May as well keep track…

 So, now Lucas who is back awake is in bed with Travis singing and attacking his Popi like a mad man. I have no idea what he is babbling about or in what language, but he seems pretty intent.  I suppose I’ll go dump one more time and go on to bed for my first night with the cup. 

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