Houston, We Have A Problem March 7, 2008

Here I am, at 6 o’clock in the morning…still dreaming about you…

Song lyrics from yet another cheesy song.  It’s from the mid 80’s.  It’s driving me CRAZY that I can’t remember the rest of the song, title or big haired group.  I just tried to google the lyrics and instead of the answer, I found myself clicking on a nasty porn site.  What jerks to disguise it as something normal. I’m really pretty ticked about it.  Selah was standing right here!!  Thank God I could just shut the laptop and say, over the obnoxious groans, “Honey, go get Popi to wake up.”  Lovely obedient girl…

So, Why am I up and typing again, when I just finished up 4 1/2 hours ago?  Well. I wasn’t sleeping well.  I’m totally achy and sore.  I was still trying to convince myself that it was just a bad cycle, not an indication that The Diva Cup was not so welcome where it was. Then it happened. A about 5:30 I sneezed.  It wasn’t a big sneeze. Nothing close to The Sneeze of 2005 when I peed my pants while I was preggers with Jacob. Now that was embarrassing.  No, this was a modest little sneeze.  Didn’t even wake Travis.  Yes it must have ‘broken the seal’.  I felt a little gush yet was still in that half asleep state where it didn’t register concern. For about five minutes.  Then the nagging something that wasn’t letting me go back to sleep registered.  Um, uh-oh.  Gush is a very, very bad thing. 

So I rolled out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom.  Yep.  Soaked.  As I reached to Remove the Diva Cup I was shocked at how painful it was.  The walls of my vaja-ja were so sore.  Seriously, ouch.  So out it came.  Dumped it. Rinsed it.  Went to go get a pad.  I think the Diva Cup and I need a break.

I’m really, really sad.   I think this is an amazing product and I wanted to be able to give it a rave review.  It’s not over. I’m going to call Diva Cup today and talk to them.  My suspicion is that I should have the smaller size 1 cup.  I already know I have a small vagina. I’ve (to my sadness) had 3 c-sections, so no stretching by birth.  When I was fitted for a diaphragm I was the smallest size available. That was only a little over a year ago.  So, I’m hoping this is just a size issue. We’ll see.  For now I’m giving it a rest and I’m back to the Glad Rags.

And now both boys are up.  Selah and Travis just left to go on a ‘date’, which simply means breakfast alone at the All Star Cafe.  Teaching my precious girl how a man should treat her early More on that later.  For now I’m going on less than 4 hours of sleep.  Lucas woke back up and had to play for another 45 minutes after my  last entry.  I have a tour of the public school with Selah at 8:30(I’ll explain why later), a Koala Mommas meeting to go to at 10:00 and Travis has today off so we intended to do something special with the kids today.May be hard with the rain.  I’m so tired, I actually feel physically ill to the pit of my stomach, so please ignore any extra typos. Not a way to start the day.  I’m going to go make some juice and oatmeal to feed my boys.

The Diva Cup Virgin Diary of Melissa March 7, 2008

So, while I’m doing my own journal, I really wanted to share a good friend of mine’s, too. Her experience is different so maybe you’ll get something out of it!  Used with her permission, of course!

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After being 3 days late and even peeing on a stick, I started my period. (Kinda scary considering I have my tubes tied) Last month I ordered a Diva Cup and of course it arrived the day after my last period stopped. Initial impressions were good. It wasn’t too intimidating size wise and it is very flexible. Having had 3 vaginal births I got the size 2.

It lived in my bathroom cabinet until this morning. Initial insertion was pretty easy or so I thought. It slipped down and partially out so I had to try again. 2nd go I got it in much higher and am pretty sure it popped open. I forgot that I am angled to my left and adjusted insertion accordingly. It is somewhat pinchy so I think I will need to trim the stem a little bit the next time I take it out.

So that’s the start of my Diva Cup adventures. I’ll update accordingly. Next chapter… taking this thing out and emptying/cleaning it!

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I was told what it would be like to empty the Dia Cup but it is one of those you have to see it to believe experiences. Actually seeing the product of one’s period in it’s liquid state is VERY different than seeing it absorbed onto a pad or tampon. The maker has even included handy measuring lines so you can see how heavy your flow is. 

I was successful in emptying it before we went to the park without looking like I commited Haryy Carry. Insertion went ok. No leaking while I was out and about, although I still wore a “just in case” pad.

After returning home I discovered that it was sitting too low for my liking. Removal went well again…glad I’m not squeamish……about blood anyway. Insertion was the easiest it has been. I made sure to hold the “u” shape more tightly than I had been so it wouldn’t pop open before I got it too far in. I actually had an audible “pop” this time. I knew it was open.  So far so good.

Next update will be about how it fares overnight!

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Overnight was a success! I emptied it around 8:30pm, making sure I felt it pop open. Once again had a pad on just in case. My poor DH was a captive audience so I took the opportunity to tell him about it. He wants to know al these tmi things about my body, right? While talking to him I did realize that there is no odor while on my period. With tampons and pads there is usually an old blood smell that one can’t avoid, especially with pads. Since the blood is getting no air time, no odor. The diva cup is nonabsorbant so my vagina doesn’t get a dried out feeling like with tampons. On light flow days removing a tampon was akin to torture. I was comfortable all night. Never felt it. I got up at 5:15 am and emptied it into the toilet. This was the longest stretch of wearing it and it wasn’t even full. My pad only had a spot the size of a pencil eraser on it. I don’t think this was leakage as much as residual blood on the outer part of my vaginal opening from the last time I emptied it. Supposedly, an average entire cycle is only a few ounces. I am at an ounce and a half a day into my cycle. Gotta love those measuring lines. I am definitely happy knowing I can sleep in the buff all month long!

Today’s adventure……going to try new folds! http://community.livejournal.com/menstrual_cups/453392.html#cutid2  (Note that a Keeper is pictured, not the Diva Cup)

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My adenture with the 7 fold was short lived. I achieved suction but it felt like it was sitting sideways. I dealt with that for a few hours before I had to readjust it.  Back to the trusty C fold. It seems to work for me.

As I go about my daily life with the Diva I am constantly reminded of a War song. Low……ri…..der……don’t use no gas now…. Either my vaginal canal is really short or I have a free spirited Diva Cup. When I get it in the stem is sitting right t my vaginal opening. Once I stand or move it migrates so that the stem and a lower portion of the cup are beyond my aginal opening and all exposed. I know it is on my cervix and it is suctioned on but to no avail it sticks out. Honestly, it’s a little annoying.

I emptied it last night and reinserted it where I thought it should be. The whole time I am finangling it in there DH is carrying on some conversation where I was expected to be an active participant. Apparently inserting the Diva while talking is beyond me. It felt comfy but I woke up to leaks on my pad. There was very little in the cup but I am nearing the end of my cycle.

So one more day to my adventures. While confident in it’s effectiveness I am pondering why it sits so low. And I leave you with this:

All my friends know the low rider
The low rider is a little higher
Low rider drives a little slower
Low rider is a real goer
Low rider knows every street yeah!
Low rider is the one to meet yeah!
Low rider don’t use no gas now
Low rider don’t drive to fast
Take a little trip
Take a little trip
Take a little trip and see
Take a little trip
Take a little trip
Take a little trip with me

Virgin Diary of a New Diva Cup… March 7, 2008

I really should be in bed.  It’s 12:38 and I’ve got a busy day tomorrow.  I just finished stitching and snapping 4 Sugar Tais together that should go out tomorrow.  I love my job!

I’m nearing the end of my first day with my Diva Cup and I think my experience hasn’t been typical.  I actually know several women who have the cup.  It wasn’t a new idea to me, I was just too cheap to spend the money on it.  I have already used cloth Glad Rags  for the last year so I wasn’t spending any moolah…  But when I got it on sale for 40% off after wanting to try it for months, I decided it was time to splurge.  I’m pretty proud of myself for sticking it out for the sale.

PAUSE..

Lucas wakes up screaming.  I give him his monkey… not happy. The Momma Skirt?(a skirt or mine he confiscated months ago to sleep with in lieu of a blanky)  Nope. No satisfaction.  hold him for a minute.  Well, happier. Put him back in the crib and walk out.  He starts screaming again.  Not sad crying.  Not hurt feelings.  He’s seriously pissed at my nerve to leave his highness.  Whoops. Now Jake is yelling “Stop screaming Lucas. No! Stop!”  Lucas starts telling Jacob off in unintelligible gibberish. Selah sleeps like a rock tonight.

 I hear Travis sigh from the bedroom, and the creaking as he decided to get up.  I beat him to the bedroom.  We take Lucas out, just to keep the peace for a minute.  I check the diaper. Dry.  I ask him why he’s awake.  What does he do? Squirms like an eel out of my arms and goes barrelling down the hall yelling ” I wanna cookie!”.  Um.. NO.  “I wann a Nanna.”  Before I can respond to that one he’s sprinting for the living room, catapults himself up onto the couch and perches himself in front of my laptop.  Then sweetly looks up at me as if he’s been there forever. “Momma, abamaga majuwah.”(Don’t worry. I didn’t get that one either.)   “Lucas you need to go to sleep.” I say as I sit down next to him.  He smiles and continues to stare at the screen, most likely waiting for scenes of train engines to suddenly appear.  Travis just had to show them all youtubes of steam engines and now that seems to be the main purpose for my laptop. 

At this point I try to trick him.  “Lucas, where’s your Monkey-Unkey?”  He looks at me intently.  For a second I think it’s not going to work.  But wait.  Recognition. He remembers where it is! Suddenly like lightning he vaults from the couch and gallops down the hallway towards his bedroom where the monkey waits. Got him!  Trav swoops him into bed where he takes on a much calmer forlorn wail with intermittent baby profanity.  Then suddenly mid-sentence his head drops and he’s down for the count. 

Sigh… and he’s not two until July…

Now where was I…

Oh yes, the cup.  So I woke up this morning at 6:30 to cramping and yes, my period.  I’ve become a freak. I was totally excited and ran into my studio where I had left the Diva Cup in the box.  I washed it off and headed to the bathroom.  Out came the instructions.  Nice little photos.  Looks simple enough.  Alright.  Fold it up and in it goes.  So getting it in wasn’t a big deal.  We used a diaphragm once, somewhat similar. Well, not really.  Goes in the same place. Have to fold it. Ok, other than that it’s very different. 

So, the first time in I wasn’t sure how high to get it.  I’d heard from others that it sits lower in there than you would expect.  But for me  I felt like I really had to get it up there or it wouldn’t open. Then I had to wiggle and rotate it a bit to get it to open all of the way without a fold.  I finally could tell it was in right when i ran my finger around the bottom rim of the cup and could tell that it was rounded out all of the way evenly.   Now, I had also heard that the stem at the end sometimes sticks out too far and is uncomfortable.  Almost everyone I know had to snip theirs off. I don’t know maybe I have a really deep who-hah.  Mine isn’t hanging at all.

At about 10am I was getting ready to take the kids to the park for a play group.  So I decided to dump before I went.  I’ve heard that sometimes while walking around, women have to do a few keagels to get the cup to ’stay in place’.  Not for me. That thing was so tight in there I can’t even imagine how it was sagging for others.  So, if you hear that yourself be aware that not all vaginal canals are created equal.  Mine seems pretty narrow.  Like I said, the diva cup seemed to be pretty high up there so finding the stem required a bit of a search.  Got it.  Tugged a bit with no budge.  Pulled at an angle and got a slight shift.  Finally got it angled enough to break the suction and after that it was smooth removin’.  I’m proud to report that the cup successfully captured 1/4 an ounce without a drop of leakage.  I have no idea why they have measurements on the side of the cup.  I don’t see anyone using it as a backup for measuring a does of Nyquil or a shot of Yaeger.  Maybe they just knew that it would be an interesting addition to my little journey here. 

So, that’s the beginning.   I seem to be cramping and tender more than usual.  That may be because my vagina hasn’t had to deal with anything other than recreational marital activities since I started using the Glad Rags.  Or it could be that I would have been better with the smaller size 1 cup after all.  Someone mentioned, and I do remember, that dry sandpaper feeling that you get from using tampons. Haven’t had anything like that at all, thank goodness. 

I dumped the cup 4 times today and it did get easier once I learned to pinch the bottom of the cup to break the suction before tugging. Thanks for that tip, Christine!  It’s a bit weird to see the blood for the first time. It’s darker than you think and it’s slimy because it’s mixed with some of your regular every day fluids that are still doing their thing.  But then I was totally intrigued by it.  Not a big deal after the first few dumps.  I think I had a total of 1 ounce all day.  Gotta use those markings, I guess. May as well keep track…

 So, now Lucas who is back awake is in bed with Travis singing and attacking his Popi like a mad man. I have no idea what he is babbling about or in what language, but he seems pretty intent.  I suppose I’ll go dump one more time and go on to bed for my first night with the cup. 

Here Comes The Ride! January 23, 2008

And at around 3:30 it came. It was a gorgeous color they call ‘Modern Blue Pearl’. My first thought was that it must be a just a Caravan, because my Grand Caravan is quite noticeably longer. Nope, Grand Caravan it is and the differences between the two vans are night and day.

There’s no way I can tell you about all of the features at once. Now I know why they gave me a whole 6 days with it! For today we just decided to take it out for a bit to get to know it. So I wrestled the car seats in and off we went to the post office. Putting the car seats was simple enough. I saw immediately that the swiveling captains seat were fabulous for helping Mom maneuver in the back seat. Jacob even got to sit in the back seat, which he was thrilled about, since I knew I would be able to reach back and buckle/unbuckle him easily. So, in they went and off to adventure…

Unfortunately, I left my camera at my parents house last week so I wasn’t able to take photos. The drop off at the post office was quick and easy. I jumped back in the van and threw it in reverse. I was totally surprised to see the touchscreen in front of me suddenly change to show a clear view from the back of the van!!! No one told me about that one! I can’t tell you haw many times I’ve thought of those stories where parents accidentally run over a child. Ugh. Yes, this is a good feature.

On to pick Travis up from the Marta Train station. Oh… his face when I drove up in my Pimpin‘ Mom-mobile! We headed up to Home Depot but decided we needed to measure some things before loading the van up. Not quite a waste of time, since we priced stuff. And we swung by Hannah and Dennis’ apartment to pick up my camera!

We decided to let the kids try out the dual video screens so we popped them down easily and tuned to Serius TV Cartoons. They were mesmerized and Selah wanted so much to try out the wireless headphones. I figured we’d save that, since I wasn’t quite sure what they were watching back there. Note to self, grab some DVDs.

This is almost as cool as those old conversion vans everyone raved about! Minus the tacky striping and oddly shaped windows. I much prefer the sleek sophisticated lines of the Dodge Grand Caravan, thank you very much! Travis was enjoying the smooth ride and commented more than once that it drove ‘like a dang race car’. That’s my southern boy

Of course, as an Audio Visual Engineer, he absolutely loved and appreciated all of the dodads and hooplah of the center console. He’s always loved pushing buttons and this thing has ways to control everything you could ever want. Does everything but whip your, well, anyway…

We decided to think of a way to try out the table. I don’t know why I’m so excited about that dang table. It’s really not the most usable thing with how young my kiddos are. I suddenly had an ‘Aha!!” moment. What better place than the Varsity!

We’ve lived a few miles from it for several years now and not gone once! There are good reasons for that, but overall it’s an experience. We decided to brave it and have our food ordered from the van and brought to us to enjoy at our little table. So from the comfort of our plush leather seats, Travis made the order.

I must say the tray balanced perfectly on the do or. I wanted to roll down the window in the back doors and have the tray there. Trav wanted it all to himself so I acquiesced It was cold out anyway.

The kids thoroughly enjoyed the novel idea of dinner in the van without seatbelts. I sat in the back with them and it was seriously comfortable. I enjoyed being turned toward them and the table is at the perfect height. If only they were old enough to play poker we could have an amazing road trip!

And there was, of course, plenty of room to eat and play, regardless of it being shorter than my 2006

As is typical in this house, no pictures of me but the ones I take myself. But I have to say I love this one. The reason is that I was really not so sure that this van would be much better than mine, on the basics level. Sure all of the extra options are great but what if you’re only interested in the basic? Well, this is a very simple basic feature but something that I have sorely missed in my 2006 Grand Caravan. The Oh Crap Handle is back!!! Yes!! I know I can’t be the only woman who relies on this to keep my sanity when my husband drives.

Another favorite for today is how simple the LED touchscreen is to maneuver for a mom with no time to read a 900 page manual to learn now everything works.
So, with full bellies we had shy children ready to get out, even of this fabulous ride.

Through Atlanta we went, home again and ready for more adventuring tomorrow. Maybe we’ll see how those headphones sound, or how many backpacks for coop can fit in the stow and go storage…

Strep Throat Brings Beauty Full Circle January 19, 2008

Hmm…. my dear husband is a wise man. To think if he hadn’t insisted on my trip to the doctor, who would know that I had strep throat? I’ve never had it before and I will NEVER again look at someone who says “I had strep last week.’ and assume it’s no worse than a little cold.

And I’m convinced that there is a distinct purpose to my being sick and no coincidence that it’s something quite contagious. I won’t leave the house and I’ve stayed away from my own children. No martyr will risk someone else. I’m so predictable. God’s such a genius when it comes to handling us. Due to the diagnosis I obeyed the husband’s, ahem… I meant Doctor’s order to stay in my room. I chose to read ‘the book’ I’ve been avoiding, like I said, for 3 years. Almost to the day, I suppose.

Three years ago I had a tiny little three week old Jacob. Travis was doing anything he could to find extra work and odd jobs, since he had lost his job. I was in constant pain both from my unexpected c-section and the car accident that had injured my back to cause the need for said c-section. Our relationship with his family was strained and painful. We felt very alone, yet were daily working out completely relinquishing our control and trusting God. Such a hard time, but I would go back and change it for anything.
My mother gave me the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge in a stack of books since I had asked her for something to read. Twice I tried to get through the first chapter only to crumble in tears and agony, my heart unable to take on the challenge to even consider such a possibility. Me… captivating…
You see, my husband was in a bitter battle over addiction to pornography. (go ahead and click the link. You KNOW I didn’t put porn there!) The battle had been raging for years, but I had only known about it for a year at this point. I was so proud of him for his honesty, and the fact that he was stronger and winning! Yet, it was a bitter time in the struggle. And as much as I knew the truth that it had nothing to do with me, it wreaked havoc in the mirror and what I saw there. So, basically not a time that I really could imagine myself anything remotely resembling anything…captivating.
So there the book sat. I’ve let several people borrow it over the past 3 years, actually. I always tell them it’s a great book and it will change their lives. I knew that from others, so I wasn’t lying. I just couldn’t ever find the energy to allow it back into my heart. I had to survive.
Well, to be honest I have another friend I want to lend the book to. This woman is precious. But she’s broken and aching. She’s so special to me and I know that God wants her heart. He had mine, and he hadn’t complained much about the scars yet. I guess this time I felt like I should read the book before I give it out again. Which, to be honest, is why the book is still on the shelf when I meant to give it to her two months ago.
Finally under quarantine threats of idle hands, off the shelf it came. I mean, I was going to be miserable while sick, and I was acutely aware that I will be miserable wreck when I read this book. There goes Talitha. The unconventional multi-tasker takes on the two at once. ( and you thought I’d be knitting a sweater while I was sick) Why be miserable twice?
To be honest, I’m not going to write a full review. The book floored me. I cried in anguish, I reveled in peace. I ached in mourning. I sat in awe as it began to dawn on me. I blushed as I realized the truth. My heart raced as the truth set me free. My heart grew into something I’ve never known. No longer a cliche, the truth is about each of us.
I am beautiful, lovely to the core. I am cherished and precious. I’m a warrior, and a princess. My heart is of immeasurable value. No one has to tell me. I don’t have to prove it or fake it.

I just AM captivating.

I can’t imagine ever feeling the same again about myself. For the love of God, go! Get the book!