Who I Am January 23, 2008

I had this obnoxious habit a few years ago that still pops up on occasion.  When people ask me a question that I find redundant, something that I would answer with either an emphatic Yes!  or NO WAY!, I would instead look at them and say “Do you know who I am?”  

Would you like some Better Than Sex Chocolate Cake?          Um… Do you know who I am? (Translation: Never say no to chocolate!)

Are you going to just schedule a Csection next time?       Do you know who I am?  (Translation: No way, too chicken.  I’d rather spend 9 months believing there’s a chance of avoiding it than just knowing it’s pending.  If it happens, it happens.  I had 9 months of peace.  Feel free to schedule one.  Just not for me.)

How the heck do you handle….sigh…

 You get the idea.  I’m usually smiling when I say it, or laughing.  Not trying to be a smart-butt.  Just momentary glimpses that sometime people who know you don’t know you.

So as far as who I am.  I’m the daughter of a mother who bore and raised 10 children, homeschooling 9 of them.  I grew up quickly, raising kids along the way.  I’ve felt like a mother since I was 12 when my sweet baby sister, Naomi, was born and I first daydreamed about my own.  I’ve been a businesswoman and entrepreneur since I was 11 and sold over 480 cakes from my secret carrot cake recipe through Junior Achievement.  I’ve been a writer since I was 9 when, inspired by the magic of Little Women, my friend Abby and I wrote whole articles, product reviews and advertisements to put together our own little ‘magazine’ to give to out parents on a weekly basis….for about a month.  I’ve been a lover since I was 16 when I first laid eyes on my husband, the home-schooled boy slouched in the corner in his tacky sweater and loafers.  I became a figher in the elementary grades, beating the neighborhood boys at making forts and climbing trees.  I’ve created beauty since, at 9,  I started spending time in the summers with my amazing Aunt Mary watching her with her needles and hooks, her huge weaving loom and her angora goats and rabbits. 

I’m many more things.    I have pieces of me that I haven’t even used in awhile but they’re still there for when I’m ready.

Right now I’m a mother, a wife.  I cringe when people are shocked at how well behaved and respectful my children are.  First of all, they are still young and we have a long way to go.  Second of all, shouldn’t such behaviour be common?  I almost died when someone called me their ‘hero’ on Myspace.  As flattering as it was, it only gave me a higher pedestal to fall and break my neck from.  Which I did.  The first time a hard confrontation was met, my name was removed from hero.  Please don’t make me yours.  Just see that I’m sharing who I am, in hopes that is awakens something good in you and gets you thinking.

 Speaking of confrontation, I’m brutally honest, in as humble and loving a way as I know how to be. Not perfect. I screw up. But I try to keep it all out there. I refuse to ignore issues, and I fight for the truth.  The fear of confrontation and the misunderstanding of ‘tollerance’ has driven us all apart.  I will not submit to it.  I want to grow.

 You may think I’m a wack-job.  You may thing that I’m boring.   I hope you don’t think I’m Supermom.  I hope that when you read the things I share you find something new to consider.  Or find yourself thinking “that’s doable’ instead of ‘I could never…’.   I share who I am in hopes that it will challenge,  encourage you and give you ‘Aha!’ moments of hope.